A Different Way to Disagree

I watched an interesting TEDx talk – For argument’s sake by Daniel H. Cohen.

Cohen says we tend to use the war approach to arguing or disagreeing – we fight until there’s a winner and a loser. The problem with this, he says, is the “loser” is the only one who may have learned something, so we have a way of arguing where learning = losing. This, he says, is a bad way to deal with differences.

Win or Lose © Stuart Miles | freedigitalphotos.net

Makes total sense to me because I generally approach things as a scientist does. A true scientist is excited to be proven wrong because it means they have learned something. (A true follower of God should be the same way I think, but I digress.) If your goal is “being right”, you’re closed to finding you’re not right, and thus closed to learning. If your goal is to learn the truth, then you must be open to being shown you have been wrong.

Imagine applying this to your marriage. Rather than things being about which of you is right, make it about both of you learning what is right. Being wrong isn’t bad, nor does it mean you lose; being wrong means you learned something, which means winning!

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Image Credit: © Stuart Miles | freedigitalphotos.net

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2 Comments on “A Different Way to Disagree

  1. I love this, Paul. I’ve never thought about it this way, and my husband excels in the learning and growing department. I always say I need to be more like him in so many ways. So grateful God knit us together because he makes US look good.

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