If She Were Reasonable…
I often hear men and women complain their spouse is not reasonable. All too often this is offered as an explanation excuse for why the person complaining does or doesn’t do certain things. “If my wife were reasonable, I would…” or “Because my wife is so unreasonable, I can’t…”
My answer to this is to figure out what you would do if she were reasonable, and do that: no more, no less.
I realise we must sometimes make adjustments because others are unreasonable, but It should be our last resort, not our first. I also understand the idea of natural consequences, but far too often, the “consequences” are more about punishment than anything else.
Unreasonableness can easily become a death spiral, with each spouse justifying their unreasonable choices by citing their spouse’s unreasonable actions. This is one of those places where the more mature person makes a change – because it is right. If neither spouse is mature, the marriage is in deep trouble.
One advantage of doing what you would do if she were reasonable is a fair accounting of your actions by her to any sane person will cause them to think you are the reasonable one. The only way she can get people to take her side is to lie about you. Even if she is willing to do that, she is confronted by the fact no one would think badly of you if they knew the truth.