Understanding Her Sexual Reality
Sex is easy for most men – we desire it strongly, a bit of nudity is enough to get us aroused, and the odds of us climaxing are very high. For most women, sex is far less easy, and far less guaranteed. Imagine with me that sex for you was more like this:
- It takes 5 to 15 minutes of foreplay to get a decent erection. Except that…
- About 1 time in 8 you can’t get an erection, no matter what she does.
- What gets you hot varies from one time to the next.
- During intercourse, a sudden noise or a distracting thought can cause you partially or completely lose your erection.
- Sometimes you can’t orgasm, even though you want to and feel the need. You get close, but then you lose it.
- When you do orgasm, it can be anything from mind-blowing to “I think I did, but I’m not sure.”
If sex was that way for you, might you think or feel some of the following?
- I’m tired and there’s a good chance I’ll get really turned on then not be able to climax.
- Is she wondering what is taking me so long?
- Does she think I’m broken?
- Why would I want to put myself through the frustration and embarrassment?
- We should wait until I am less stressed so I have a better chance of getting turned on.
Most women struggle with at least one of the things on the first list. Some women struggle with most or all of them. Do the thoughts and feelings on the second list make sense when you understand what’s behind them? In particular, she’s afraid she is broken and she’s afraid you will get upset with her for being broken.
Tomorrow I’ll suggest some ways you can deal with these issues as a couple. In the meantime, may I suggest you share this with your wife and ask her if any of it rings true for her?