Apologise – for Real
Odds are you need to apologise to your wife on occasion. Maybe you need to do it more often than you actually do so. Regardless, a poor apology is worse than no apology at all; it just adds insult to injury.
Apologising is difficult because it means admitting we aren’t perfect. It is okay, though because your wife probably knows you’re not perfect! So work on doing it right, and reap the rewards for both of you.
First ways of apologising you should avoid:
- Put it on her. Making it about her hormones, her being too sensitive, or her misunderstanding. If you have any fault, please admit it.
- Expecting her to reciprocate. “I’ll apologise to you if you apologise to me” is insulting.
- Justifying yourself. Either you were wrong or you were not. Extenuating circumstances do not excuse you.
- Trying to buy your way out of it. Give flowers and gifts to show love, not to be forgiven.
- Doing it by email, text, phone, or card. You need to make this personal.
A great apology has all of the following:
- Admit what you did and make it clear you know you were wrong.
- Explain what happened. This is about clarity, not excuses.
- Express appropriate remorse.
- Do whatever you can to fix any damage done. Asking how you can fix it is a good idea.
- Tell her what you have learned from this, and how you plan to handle a similar situation in the future.