What About the Life She is Living?

Recently, I discussed you being pushed to be someone other than God intended you to be. Today let’s consider how your wife faces the same pressure.

For her, it can be even more confusing because various people and groups are pushing her in conflicting directions. If she was raised in the church and/or a conservative family, she was given a very narrow range of acceptable life choices. Then the world told her all of those were evil and corrupt and it was her duty to reject them. On one side, she was told it was sin to even think about sex before marriage while on the other she was expected to prove she was not male dominated by having sex with a great many men. You must have children, you must have a career, you must be this, do that, and on and on.

Woman in mask © graur codrin | freedigitalphotos.net

What about you? Have you tried to make your wife what you think she should be – or what you want her to be? If you haven’t, you’re a better man than I! For me much of it was well-meaning – I thought I knew who she should be, and I was just trying to help. I never intentionally tried to make her something for myself, but looking back I can see my selfishness mixed in far too often. As I moved past those things I started to “help her” become who I thought God wanted her to be. I suppose that is less bad, but it assumed I better understood God’s direction for her than she did – how presumptuous!

Now I pray for her and with her. I ask her what she thinks God wants for her. I tell her if I think she is right or wrong, but it’s just my opinion, not the voice of God. Unless it’s sin, or I’m extremely sure it is contrary to what God has for her, I assume she has a better chance of hearing God for her life than I do. I support her, I help her when I am able, and I encourage her daily to become the person God is calling her to be. I also protect her from anyone who would force on her their version of who she should be.

If you think your wife is being someone other than who she should be, please discuss it with her. Not to tell her what she should do, but to ask her if she’s living someone else’s life. Encourage her to find her life and live it.

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5 Comments on “What About the Life She is Living?

  1. I think it is common for both men and women to put pressure on one another in an attempt to “train” each other to act the way we want each other to.  The problem with that is that even if a change is made, it’s usually temporary.  We have to accept our spouses for who they are, not who we would like them to be.
    That being said, I think it is important for both spouses to respect each others’ wishes and to make a concerted effort to make concessions in our behaviors to please each other.

  2. Honest question: how does the leadership role a husband is supposed to play in the marriage come in to play? Are we called to be an advisor or are we called to be the head of the wife as Jesus is the head of the church?

    • @Brian Denning – I don’t see the conflict between the two, actually. I am helping her to be who God intended her to be. I’m also admitting I’m not God and I don’t have all the answers.

      • I think that’s a good way to look at it. It’s not our job to make our wife submit, that is on her. It simply makes our job as head of the household very difficult if not impossible if she does not.

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