Sexual Spillover

There’s a long-standing argument about if and how viewing sexual images affects a man’s sexuality. There are those who claim what we look at has no impact on what we think and want sexually. This has always seemed silly to me, given how obvious it is we are affected to some degree by everything we see.

Short Skirt © Anna Lurye |

The article The Sexual Objectification Spillover Effect links to a number of studies about this issue. The clear conclusion is seeing any sexualized image of any woman causes men to view all women as less intelligent and less moral.

What do you think looking at porn does for how we see women? Does the “spillover effect” apply for porn? Of course, it does. Porn causes us to see women as things for our pleasure rather than people. If you’ve spent hundreds of hours looking at porn you’ve horribly distorted your image of women and sex. Please don’t think you’re somehow immune to this, you are not. Please don’t think stopping porn use will magically fix things, it will not. Your thinking about sex and women has been changed; fixing it will take time and effort (and hopefully plenty of prayer).

If you’re using or have used porn, your wife is in a sexual relationship with a man who doesn’t have a normal sexuality. You’re messed up, which makes sex difficult and not nearly as good as it should be. If you deny this truth you will continue making a mess of your sex life. If you accept what you’ve done, you have a chance to deal with it.

mini-upgradeIf you’ve used porn much at all I suggest you tell your wife you realise you’ve made a mess of your sexuality. Ask her to forgive you for that, and for all the pain and struggle this has injected into your sex life. Commit to learning to see women and sex as God intended.

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7 Comments on “Sexual Spillover

  1. There are some many interesting studies now on the negative effects of pornography on the brain, that it’s  a wonder any marriage expert anywhere can defend it with a straight face. I was unaware of this study, but I know of another in which male college participants became increasingly willing to mistreat a sexual partner the more porn they watched. They clearly began to see the opposite sex as something akin to their personal toys. It was sad really. (And also sad to me that these men now have those images stuck in their head because of a study.)

    Thanks for speaking up!

  2. “Please
    do not think you are somehow immune to this, you are not.” 
    Yes, yes and yes.  I think that sometimes, people think they can “control” their usage of porn and that it can help “teach tricks” or “boost” their sex life.  Porn is actually highly detrimental sexually to men (and women) in many ways.  I found this website: that has some great research and articles about porn addiction and how porn affects the brain.  It’s not from a Christian standpoint but it’s some great scientific stuff.   The porn industry can be equated to the tobacco industry, as far as I am concerned, but is much less regulated.

  3. I hate porn…probably more than just about anything. I have seen first hand the damage porn use can bring to a life and marriage. The porn induced ED and PE. The lack of desire for ‘normal’ sex with my wife. The dissatisfaction with real life sex that never measures up to the imaginations of evil men.
    I have been (mostly) porn free for 4 months now…okay I’ve stumbled 4 or 5 times, and my life is significantly better overall. I am more focused, and I have noticed some physiological effects from stopping porn and masturbation outside of the marriage bed; my voice has actually gotten noticeably deeper, I am more calm and relaxed, I have more energy and confidence overall.
    To be honest, the the greater the distance I have from porn the more I am able to ‘be present’ with my wife. To be excited with the body and personality of the wife the God gave me…instead of thinking about what she will or won’t do. Or creating my own version of marriage sexuality.
    I thank God that he has given me a wife that is patient and forgiving and understands that she has a husband that had a damaged view of sexuality.
    Yeah, porn destroys. Men, lives, marriages. It leaves nothing but that which does not satisfy .
    I have stopped, and my life is getting better. My marriage is getting better. And by the grace of God it will continue to. Thank you for continuing to talk about this, it is of paramount importance that we quit porn. It’s like asking someone to give you cancer and paying them for it…

  4. lovemarriagesex I have minor issues with your-brain-on-porn, but it is a great site. More and more therapists and counsellors are seeing so much first hand evidence of what Internet porn does that they can no longer pretend it is harmless.

  5. HotHolyHumorous If you are talking about the study I think you are, the effect was seen even with porn that was not violent and did not show women negatively

    Scary stuff!.

  6. mrdaver911 Glad to hear you are getting free!

    Stumbles are unfortunate, but a given. Look at how often they happen over time – if less and less, you are doing well.

  7. FreedomTruthMarriage Great thoughts! I can see how the “every woman” thinking would make it even worse.

    Written porn is a lot bigger than most people realise, and very damaging as it builds preferences and feeds perversions. The other day I read about a fellow who could only climax while watch a certain kind of animated porn. No real woman can give him what he now needs for sex.

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