Be Part of the Solution

In Marriage Destroyer: Lack of Good Models, I encouraged those of you with good marriages to help those with “less good” marriages. I want to expand on that today.

I can’t overstate the need. Marriages are failing all around us. Besides those ending in divorce, there are many more marriages where both spouses are miserable. For a variety of reasons couples usually don’t seek help until they have years of junk, making healing difficult and slow at best. 

Changing this will require a grass-roots army. We need people who will come alongside those with small and medium marriage problems. We need people to build up new marriages, helping those couples avoid problems.

Couple to couple © Scott Griessel |

Are you Qualified?

We live in a world of experts, causing us to doubt we have the qualifications to help others. This is not what the Bible teaches. Paul tells Timothy older women should be instructing the younger women, including teaching them how to be good wives. Discipleship is about passing information from one “regular person” to another. In the model set up by Jesus and practised by Paul, every follower was expected to instruct others. Such instruction didn’t happen in classes or one hour weekly sessions; it happened by living life together. The bottom line is this – if you have a good marriage you have a biblical right (if not responsibility) to instruct others.

Perfection not Required

None of us ever reaches perfection. Those who blog about marriage or write books about marriage are nowhere near perfect. Those who make a living doing marriage counselling aren’t perfect. We’re all “wounded healers” and the fact we’ve had our own struggles actually helps. Our struggles mean we can relate to others, and they can relate to us.

Avoid areas where you still have significant problems and be quick to say, “I don’t know”. Know when to point people to others and you’ll do fine.

A Great Resource

Still feel unprepared? Want to learn how to do even more to help couples? I recommend Marriage Coaching: Heart, Hope and Skills for a Great Relationship by Jeff and Jill Williams. The book is also great for any couple looking to improve their own marriage.

Marriage Coaching: Heart, Hope and Skills for a Great Relationship
by Jeff and Jill Williams

Paperback or Kindle

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Great tweet of the week:

Repetition becomes the friends of those who cannot afford the luxury of thought or consideration. @emilydixon1976

Links to blog posts that stood out to me this last week:

Featured Post – A must read article I saw this week:
Refine Us A Fight You Must Have In Marriage ◄ Fight FOR your marriage!


Cracking The Romance Code.

Husbands, How Can You Be Sure You Fully Listen To Your Wife? ◄ Learn to dig a bit.

The Generous Wife

A Thought Exercise ◄ How do you want her to think of you years from now?

Leading Men Only

When It Comes To Us Men, Image Is Not Everything ◄ Image vs Integrity

refine us

Why You Still Watch Porn ◄ The little things matter.

Stupendous Marriage

I Want to Get Back Together with My Wife ◄ Stu is also looking to build an impact team for a book on porn.

4 Comments on “Be Part of the Solution

  1. Good post today. Thank you. I have 5 qualifications and I now use none of them because of where the LORD has led me. Qualifications may mean something on earth but experience counts for so much more here and in heaven. I’d add 2 things I’ve learned to today’s post:

    1. Don’t let perfect get in the way of excellent.
    2. The broken become masters at mending.

    P.S. Thanks for the inclusion of my Leading Men Only post in blogs of note this week.

  2. UBAwesome  I am all for studying to be better able to do things, but I fear we have allowed that to drown out the reality of giftings and talents. I have heard some awesome sermons and teaching from those who have no formal seminary teaching, and I have heard junk from those with half a dozen seminary degrees. Education will benefit anyone, but it improves from where they start.
    I think I have already stolen “Don’t let perfect get in the way of excellent” – now I shall have to do the same with masters of mending. When I have a problem, be it moral or not, I look for someone with first hand experience fixing that thing. Experience is better than theory!

  3. TheGenerousHusband Very ture. We must focus on where our God-given talents and gifts are. That’s where the blessing we bring and receive will multiply.

  4. Paul,

    Good information about those of us who “coach” or encourage other couples. You hit it squarely, we are all damaged and still learning.  As you and I have previously agreed, that perhaps it is our damaged upbringing which gives sensitivity for those who are hurting.

    I looked at the book you recommended and it looks like another add for my library. Thank you for continuing to generate good thoughts and materials for men and women who want to be great ambassadors for God’s marriage examples, broken and wounded yet working to help others.

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