Sex Wish Lists

Does she know what you want in bed? Do you know what she wants? Are you sure?

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Many couples find it difficult to talk clearly about sex. Even if you’ve had good conversations about your sexual desires, what you take away from those talks may not be what the other meant. Differences in word use and past experience colour our sexuality, so misunderstanding is common. 

A Suggestion:

Why not both write out a “Sex Wishlist’? List a few things you would like to try. Keep it short so it’s not overwhelming, and start with the less wild things. Encourage her to do the same. Then, when you are having sex and you both feel adventuresome, flip a coin. The winner picks an item from their spouse’s list. The next time the other person picks, from their spouse’s list. 

After you try something, discuss it. Then wait a day or two and discuss it again. Decide if it’s worth doing again, might be okay with some modification, or is not something to pursue now. As the lists get short, add a few new ideas.

A More Daring Suggestion:

There’s a better way to do this if you and your wife are both okay with it. Instead of a list, each of you writes in story form what you think it would look like doing something new. The advantage here is you can clearly communicate what you mean and how you think it would go. A possible side benefit is these erotic stories might arouse your spouse.

Please be sure your wife is up for this, not just going along. This is a bad place to push! If you do this, be careful about the words you choose; many women find certain words offensive or a turn-off. It’s good to include what you are thinking in these stories, especially things about how hot you think she is, how much you like her _____, and so on.

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This Week’s TMB Survey:

Oral Sex – Attitudes and Prevalence How common is it, how do people feel about it?

Great tweet of the week:

Men, be tough FOR your family but tender WITH them. @FierceMarriage

New blog this week – Ferguson Values. I’ve followed this blog via Twitter for a long time, and retweeted them on occasion, but somehow it never made it to my blog list.

Links to blog posts that stood out to me this last week:


Ferguson Values

The Importance of Congruency in Marriage ◄ Have you lost congruency? How do you get it back?
Is it Time to Give Your Marriage a Rest? ◄ The kind of rest it needs.
Yes, It Is Possible To Experience Ecstasy In Marriage ◄ Some ideas to build ecstasy.

The Generous Wife

In Honor of Spring ◄ Tend your marriage well.
I Love Being Married ◄ My bride takes her turn at telling why she loves being married.

Hot, Holy and Humorous

6 Things I Love about Being Married ◄ J tells why she loved being married.

Intimacy in Marriage

I Like Him Better After We Have Sex ◄ Not that you need this to encourage you to have sex with your wife…

Journey to Surrender

What If… You and Your Spouse Really Are One? ◄ What if you lived like this was the case?

Marriage Gems

Why does your spouse think about sex so much more/less than you do? ◄ Understanding why can help bring changes.

One Flesh Marriage

You’re Not My Mom! ◄ What to do when she treats you like a kid.

Stupendous Marriage

A Facebook Message from an Ex ◄ Some good discussion of a common problem.

7 Comments on “Sex Wish Lists

  1. Thanks for this idea. Writing might feel less uncomfortable than speaking as we begin to peel back some layers of self protection. I do know he has something with whipped cream in mind. :)

  2. Thanks for this idea. Writing might feel less uncomfortable than speaking as we begin to peel back some layers of self protection. I do know he has something with whipped cream in mind. :)

  3. Then tell him to bring on the whipped cream……sounds like fun

  4. JJWITTER5 I have articulated a couple of my own requests and have also let him know that I’m excited about the whipped cream. I would like to see him take a step toward intimacy by following through and learn that it is safe to do so. Perhaps I’ll suggest adding it to the next grocery list.

  5. IntimacySeeker JJWITTER5 Remember that in the marriage bed there is freedom and you can just about do anything you want to do in the marriage bed just as long as it is just between you and the hubby…  Keep the marriage bed hot and passionate and discuss the topic of sex with your hubby and make your marriage strong…  It is okay to talk about sex and what you would like to do to each other. 
    My wife and I are doing a small group study on the topic of sex with 2 other couples in our church and how to make their marriage hot and passionate.

  6. RiSeR  I am now posting results two weeks after the survey goes up. That would be April 10th. They will be up a few days before that – check it will show up under “NEW ARTICLES” on the left side.

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