Control Of The Marriage
“The one most willing to sacrifice the relationship controls it.“
Someone said this in a comment recently. It took me a second because I read it as “the one most willing to sacrifice FOR the relationship controls it.”
Having thought about it, I think there is some truth in both of those.
Willing to Sacrifice the Marriage
If one spouse is willing to hurt/destroy/end the marriage to get their own way, that person is in control. The marriage is a hostage and the other spouse is forced to negotiate. I’ve seen this dynamic in marriages and it never ends well. It’s like land for peace – it stops working when you don’t have any more land to give.
If you’re the one doing this, please know it is unloving and wrong. Get help now before you’re the reason your marriage ends.
If your wife is doing this to you, please know it’s unlikely you can fix it; you need trained help and you need it yesterday. The only paths forward on your own are a painful divorce or a miserable shell of a marriage.
Willing to Sacrifice FOR the Marriage
Sacrificing for something is a powerful action. In a marriage with a deeply selfish person, sacrifice may not be appreciated, but even then it has a way of changing the other person’s heart. If the other spouse is not horrible, sacrifice speaks love, commitment, and dedication.
If your wife sacrifices for you, please make a big deal about it. Let her know how much you appreciate her efforts and work to sacrifice for her.
When you sacrifice for your wife, don’t make a big deal about it. If you don’t say something your wife may feel pushed. If you say nothing you leave room for God and your actions to work on her heart.
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