Why So Snippy?

Recently Lori and I have been easily moved to frustration with each other. I was well aware of this and then she brought it up. She wasn’t accusing me, she was rightly pointing the finger at both of us.

Why So Snippy?

As I thought about why I was reacting this way, there was the usual junk. I was putting on her things my mother said, thought, and did, even though Lori didn’t say or do those things and I know she does not think them.

But I saw something else, something which was a bigger problem. Both Lori and I have been dealing with some difficult people and situations recently. Much of this has been online, which is particularly hard because of the way one communicates online. I realised I was letting the frustration of those encounters bleed into my interactions with Lori. I saw that I was carrying tension and frustration from other interactions into my marriage. I don’t want those things to affect Lori, so I have to find a way to fix it. Either I need to learn to deal with the frustration or I need to withdraw from those situations.

Work is a common source of this kind of frustration, and withdrawing is not usually an option. This means learning to deal with the frustration in ways that allows you to set it down. It also means monitoring yourself and quickly apologising to your wife (and kids!) if you put some of your work frustration on her. If this happens, be clear you’re wrong and make sure she knows and she doesn’t deserve to be treated that way.

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4 Comments on “Why So Snippy?

  1. The work y’all do is so awesome! I’m just sending some encouragement and prayers that the difficult situations will become easier to deal with for both of you.

  2. Thanks, Paul (and Lori), for your work. Really groundbreaking, in many ways. I know I’ve benefited from it.

    I understand the “snippy syndrome” myself, having been greatly guilty of it in the past. The problem was that I had become so accustomed to living with stress every day, I couldn’t see it in myself. My sons used used to ask my wife why Daddy was so angry all the time, but I flat out didn’t see it. You’re a wise man to recognize it and take action.

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