Are You Asking The Right Question?

It’s impossible to get the right answer if you ask the wrong question!

Are You Asking The Right Question?

I see couples who go round and round in their marriage because they aren’t asking the right questions. One version of this is asking questions based on the assumption the other person is the problem. So rather than “How can I make it better” they ask “How can I get him to stop _____?”, or “How can I get her to _____?”, or “Why does s/he do that?”, or “Don’t they know _____?”.

Some folks keep asking a question that’s been answered because they don’t like the answer or don’t understand the answer. Rather than digging deeper or seeking clarification, they just keep asking the question over and over as if the answer will magically change.

Then there are those who don’t ask a question because they’re afraid of the answer. So they ask questions that hit all around the question they need to ask to see if it’s safe. Another version of this is questions that hint at the real question.

I’ve also seen people ask questions as a way of hurting or manipulating their spouse. Along these lines, how a question is asked changes how it’s received. A hard question phrased well has just a bit of sting, but it can also be asked in a way that causes needless shame, pain, or embarrassment. 

Are you asking the right questions in your marriage? Are you asking them well?

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