You CAN BE The Change
Note: Due to some scheduling errors, Thursdays post went out on Wednesday, and a few email readers have already seen Saturday’s post. Sorry about that. If you missed anything, you can read Preferences and Sacrifice and Preferences, Sacrifice, and Media on-line.
Eleven months ago I started talking about you being the change in your marriage. I suggested that you stop focusing on what your wife is doing wrong and look at what you’re doing wrong. Stop dwelling on what you think she should do differently and start making changes in what you do. Move what you think has to change down the list a bit, and move what she would like changed up the list.
Since then, I’ve written more than 70 posts that touch on this idea. It could easily seem I think men are the only problem in marriages – if he would just deal with his stuff the marriage would be great! This is not what I think. I assume the wife is partly at fault in every last marriage. She’s not perfect, and in some marriages, she’s the majority of the problem. The thing is, a man can’t force his wife to change, but he has total control over changing himself.
If you’re only 10% of the problem in your marriage (and let’s be honest, that’s not the case for most of us), fixing your stuff still improves the marriage. If that’s as far as it goes, you’ve made the marriage better. However, it probably won’t stop there. Unless your wife is deeply injured or unusually selfish, you becoming more loving and understanding will change how she feels and acts. It might take time, and it might seem very small at first, but she will almost certainly make some changes in response to your changes.
If you want a better marriage, you can do something to make that happen. It’s not completely up to you, but you are not powerless. Do your part, and pray for God to move on her heart.
10%! We’ve hit the 10% mark on our year-end giving goal. You can help us along with online giving, or send a check to:
The Marriage Bed
4641 Lyons Hill Road
Springdale, WA 99173