What Needs to be Done vs My Job/Her Job

Who does what around the home is a common cause of conflict in marriages. We argue about whose job something is, or who did it last. 

What Needs to be Done vs My Job/Her Job

Some of this is probably inevitable because of how much it takes to keep a home running well and how busy most of us are. When we feel squeezed for time we look for ways to take things off our to-do list, and putting it on our spouse’s list is one way to do that. However, I think failing to see our marriage as a team also plays into this. 

Over the last few years, this changed for me. I started to see what needed to be done as part of what WE need to do to keep the house functional. I paid less attention to how much we’d both done or who did something last and focused more on what needed to be done. If it needed to be done and I could do it right then, I did it. If it needed to be done and I couldn’t do it right then I would try to make time. Sometimes Lori would get to it before I did, sometimes she wouldn’t.

I will admit there are some factors that make this much easier for me than for many of you. Lori and I live in an RV. That means there is less to do and cleaning an entire room is far less work. We both work from home, so we’re here about the same amount and we can easily fit certain things in around our work. When I was working long hours in the Texas sun doing things this way would have looked different. Still, I wish I’d figured this out much earlier. It would have made Lori’s life better, and that would have made our marriage better. And a better marriage is a good thing!

Speaking of working from home: We are able to do the ministry we do because of the fine folks and churches who support us. We are in the midst of our year-end fundraising and are currently at 13% of our goal. If you value what we do, would you please help out? You can donate online, or send a check to:

The Marriage Bed
4641 Lyons Hill Road
Springdale, WA 99173

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2 Comments on “What Needs to be Done vs My Job/Her Job

  1. A lot of times, it is just a matter of priorities. If there are dishes in the sink, or clutter in the living room, my wife cannot sleep. It does not affect me in the same way, so if it isn’t something I am super concerned about, it will be prioritized differently for me than her. However, when my wife hangs the curtains and doesn’t use a level, it drives me insane, or if she leaves my tools out for the kids to get to them I go bananas. The same applies about sex, it is exceptionally important to me, she can take it or leave it; but if she is tired or emotionally tapped out it goes to the bottom of her priority list.

  2. I was thinking today how nice it would be if I had a wife so I could enjoy days off and vacations and holidays and sick days like a husband. It would be nice to put my feet up and read a book because someone else is doing all the chores. It would be nice to watch a Christmas movie with the kids because someone else is decorating and baking. It would be nice to work on a project uninterrupted all weekend because someone else is watching the kids and making me food and bringing me glasses of sweet tea. It would be nice to actually enjoy a vacation or road trip because someone else did all the worrying, packing, and planning, and when the kids get unruly, bored, or car sick, my wife is there to keep them occupied and hold the barf bag for them. I could just pop in my ear buds and blissfully drive in peace.

    It would be so nice, after a long day, coming home to a smiling wife ready for a kiss, having her place a plate of food in front of me, clean it up afterward, prepare the shower for me, and make sure the kids do their homework quietly,so I can watch my favorite TV shows in peace.

    To have someone taking care of all the little details in life, even just for a day, would be bliss.

    It must be so nice having a wife.

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