Sitting On The Couch While I Clean

This is a follow-up thought on yesterday’s What Needs to be Done vs My Job/Her Job.

I walk past Lori, who is on the couch using her tablet to read or play a game. I walk into the kitchen and see something that should be cleaned or put up. I have a choice as to how I react to the combination of those two things.

Sitting On The Couch While I Clean

I can get upset she is relaxing/playing when the kitchen isn’t perfect. I can be frustrated she is done with her day and I still have work to do. Or I can see the value of my wonderful wife having some fun and relaxation in her life. Let’s face it, all work and no play makes Jill a dull wife and no fun in bed. 

Besides, we all tend to overstate in our minds how much we do and understand how much others do. We also tend to overvalue what we do and devalue what others do. Feeling I’m doing more than my share means little because most of us would feel that way even if we were doing less than half.

The other side of this change in how I look at it is that I find it much easier to ask for her help when I really need it. When I’m busy or the day is getting away from me, I have no problem asking Lori to do something, even if it is usually “my job”. I’m much fairer and more reasonable in general, so occasionally asking a bit more of her doesn’t feel so wrong to either of us.

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7 Comments on “Sitting On The Couch While I Clean

  1. Hi

    I have come to the same position. My wife cooks and I basically do everything else. She works full-time, same as I do. I find it easier to just keep working around the house, it also keeps me fit. Part of the solution is that we have purchased a smaller house on a land parcel half the size we currently live on.

    • @Chris – I’m with you all the way on less house and land. Maintain those things takes far more time, energy, and money than we know until we scale back. In the past Lori was always frustrated because I didn’t have the time to maintain things as I should. With less I do a much better job at that.

  2. I don’t mind doing housework. I don’t mind doing my mommy work. But, I have told my husband that there is enough work within those realms to keep me busy all day, plus I have a part time job. Plus, I do half of the stereotypical man’s work around here, too, so what drives me batty,is when the laziness and disregard of my family ADDS to my workload. I get that bathrooms need cleaning at the very least once a week and I am fine doing so, but please don’t leave whiskers and toothpaste in the sink the same day I clean the bathroom!!

    I get that floors need regular vacuuming, but please don’t track in trails of dirt and leaves and then just leave it,

    I get that clothes need washing, but don’t add to it by throwing dirty clothes on clean clothes, or tossing clean clothes in the wash simply because they fell on the floor and you don’t want to hang them up again.

    • Libl, your reply hit a nerve with me. If the members of my household would just clean up behind themselves, maintaining the house would not be as overwhelming and stressful as it is. Right now, I am looking at an ugly extension cord on my bedroom floor along with clamps, tools, and resins sprawled put on my dresser from a project dh did a month ago. I teach full-time, plus and my youngest child is 18.

      Unfortunately/fortunately we have a lot of land that does take up a lot of time/expense to maintain. We can’t downsize. It’s family property and if we don’t do it, it will not get done. My parents are in their late 70s, my only sibling shows no interest. And I have the same issues of frustration with the outdoor responsibilities as well. But, I get the glare of disaproval when sitting in my chair on the weekend on my tablet.

      If it’s good for the goose. .

  3. I also think if you are the person(me) who is happier when stuff is cleaner, why make the other person who is happy with less cleanliness work to your standard, when they are satisfied with a lower standard. Now there are are no children at home this is easier to manage between two of us.

    • Chris, I hear you! In our household there are still 4 teenagers 11-15. (I know, we didn’t mess around, or maybe to much😜). I’m the one with the higher standard, so I’ve started to just do the cleaning myself, specially in the kitchen and our ensuite. My wife is thankful and loves me for it! It’s not that she doesn’t like it clean, it’s just that it doesn’t bother her as much when it’s not and she has the approach to life, that there are more important things to do in life then cleaning. So it’s all good!

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