Owning Your Sexuality
If you’re not a bit confused about your sexuality you’re a rare man indeed. We get blasted with all kinds of sexual messages. On the one hand, having a penis makes you a monster; a rape looking for a place to happen. On the other hand, men deserve sex, and women need to understand that and get naked. Many will tell you that you’re repressed or old-fashioned if you’ve had fewer women than you are years old. Others think you’re a dirty old man if you’ve passed forty years of age and still think about and want sex.
The truth is God gave men a strong sex drive and wired us to be very aware of and easily aroused by sexual sights. Those things aren’t bad or wrong, they’re part of God’s creation. The issue is how we use those things. If we use our sex drive as an excuse to push women for sex, that’s wrong. If we allow our eyes to linger where they shouldn’t, that’s wrong. Even in marriage, we must exercise some degree of self-control. I believe our stronger drive is intended to result in more sex than our wife would choose on her own, but getting there is a dance not an arm wrestling match.
All of this means there’s a constant tension in our sexuality. We’re pulled towards things we know are wrong, and pushed away from things that are right. Often our own sexual fears are our worst enemy, with our wife’s wounds and fears being a close second. It’s tempting to think sex is just more trouble than it’s worth – which is part of why God gave us a sex drive that just will not shut up!
Owning our sexuality means accepting how God made us and acknowledging the temptations we face. It means fighting the temptations without trying to change or deny how God made us. It means understanding God created us to take the lead sexually and not abdicating that. Sex isn’t just for us, it’s for our wife and our marriage too. When we settle for too little, we hurt our marriage. When we take care of it in the shower because we don’t want to risk being told no we’re cheating our wife as much as we’re cheating ourselves. When we allow popular media, porn, or our own imaginations to fill us with things beyond what our wife is ready to try we close doors. Likewise, if we allow neo-gnostics to convince us anything other than vanilla sex is wrong.
Owning your sexuality means being okay with enjoying it when it’s good and making suggestions on how it could be better. It also means learning that there’s a lot of pleasure beyond orgasm and that much of that pleasure isn’t physical. The more you can embrace that for yourself, the better sex will be for you and your wife.
Given the world in which we live, sex is a narrow path with a sharp fall-off on either side. If we aren’t intentional about our sexuality it’s doomed to fall off the path. However, if we hold to what God says and apply love to our sexual urges, we can stay on the path and arrive at a wonderful sex life. It’s not an easy task, but it’s the right thing to do and the and and the rewards can be great!