Don’t Validate Her “I’m Not Beautiful” Belief
Last Friday I posted Shopping On An Empty Stomach over on The XY code. The comments on that post have been painful. So many women are convinced they’re too old, fat, or too ugly for their husband to have any interest in them. They assume he says nice things about their looks because he feels he has to, not because he actually likes how she looks. So many wives are convinced they must compete with all the sexy beautiful women out there for their husband’s desire. That is a problem for the women, their marriage, and their sex life.
No doubt you have experienced this with your wife. I’d like to tell you I know an easy fix, but I don’t. Telling her over and over how much you like how she looks might help, but it’s slow at best.
What I can tell you is how to not make it worse.
Your wife knows when your eyes follow a woman’s butt as she walks away. She sees when you look, and when you look at other women that says to her that she is ugly in your eyes. She doesn’t understand how sexual images grab you, and she can’t accept that your knee-jerk reaction is not you saying “I wish my wife looked like that!” As far as she is concerned you vote with your eyes, and if you cast even a few votes for other women she loses.
The corollary to this is porn. And by porn, I mean everything from naked writhing bodies on the Internet to magazines with scantily clad women every few pages. And yes, that includes the cable shows with plenty of nudity and sex. We know the women shown in such things are usually very good looking, and you watching such women can only make your wife feel ugly in your eyes.
What your eyes do can feel like a slap in the face or a fist to the stomach for your wife. Choose to bless her by having eyes for her alone.