Lori and I have been doing some training that includes videos of couple counselling sessions. Watching those has been painful.
One thing that stood out to me was the husband yelling. Lori and I have never done that to each other. We may get a bit louder when we’re upset, but it never gets anywhere near yelling.
What I found interesting about the videos was the couple doing the counselling kept dealing with the yelling and other rude behaviours rather than focusing on the issues being yelled about. They saw changing that dynamic as more important than the very real problems being expressed. The more I have thought about this, the more I see it as right and good. If a couple can’t communicate without yelling or other rudeness, they have little chance of fixing anything. Learning to behave decently even when you’re upset will do a lot to improve your marriage, and it will greatly improve your odds of dealing with the issues behind the yelling.
How is your communication with your wife when you’re agitated? Do you need to work on that?