When Silence Is A Warning Sign

So your wife is unhappy about something you do, or don’t do, or do too often or not often enough, and she brings it up regularly. Then suddenly she stops bringing it up, even though you haven’t changed. Does her no longer talking about it means she is over it, it’s no longer a problem for her?

No, it does not.

When Silence Is A Warning Sign

If you don’t change and she stops mentioning it, that doesn’t mean she has accepted it or changed her mind. It means she has figured out you don’t care enough to deal with it and she’s tired of beating a dead horse. She is just as unhappy about it as she has always been, but has figured out talking to you about it does nothing other than upset both of you. So she shuts up.

If you think this is a win for you, you don’t get it. She hasn’t accepted it, she has accepted that you won’t change. That means on top of hurting over the situation, she hurts because you’re unwilling to work on the issue.

Yesterday I told the women over on The XY Code they should make it clear they still don’t like something before they shut up about it. I said, “At the very least this lets him know you have not changed your mind. If he’s clever it will do more than that.” Men, if you’re clever you will see your wife shutting up about something as the problem it is. And if you’re wise, you’ll do something about it.

If you need more convincing, check the comments the women have left about this.

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2 Comments on “When Silence Is A Warning Sign

  1. During my entire marriage of 24 years my husband has never admitted that pornograhy is wrong and has viewed it our entire marriage. He has been to strip clubs. I have brought this up many times and he would become very mean and I stopped talking about it. I have three children who are now in college and I have asked him for a divorce. He is deviated. We went to a marriage counselor who told me how surprised he is. i believe he is surprised. He went through decades self-absorbed and now he is worried about his future. I feel sorry for him. But it doesn’t change the fact that I have no more feeling toward him than any other person I meet. Love him because he is still a child of God.

    • @Amy – I see this over and over, and it breaks my heart. I can’t blame you for where you are, it’s a natural and possibly unavoidable result of what you husband has done for two plus decades. And like you, I feel sorry for him. He believed the lies of his culture and put them ahead of his wife. He might honestly be willing and able to change now, but it’s too late.
      I give this warning often, I pray it saves a few marriages.

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