Friday Flashback: Falling Back in Love

What do you do if you’re no longer “in love” with your wife?

Friday Flashback: Falling Back in Love

Not feeling love is no excuse to end a marriage or to stop doing what is right. The good news is not feeling love can be reversed. I’m a firm believer that love is a choice, not a feeling. The feeling, which is wonderful and which we all desire, can flow from the choice, from a commitment to love.

It’s informative to look at India where there are two kinds of marriage – “arranged marriages” and “love marriages”. Not surprisingly, love marriages start with much higher levels of love and happiness. However, as the years go by, the love of those in arranged marriages surpasses that of those in love marriages. One study found that at ten years, those in arranged marriages were twice as in love as those who married for love (story here). My point is that couples who started without love, who sometimes don’t even know each other before marriage, manage to develop love which is stronger than that of couples who start out feeling “in love”. Those couples grew love where it didn’t exist, and if they can do it, any couple that has “fallen out of love” can do it too.

I think “Fake it till you make it” is valid here. Our feelings can follow our actions. If we do the things that love would do, loving feelings will follow. This is especially true if we expect the feelings to follow our actions.

[This post first appeared June 8, 2010.]

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