This Is How Love Acts
I recently answered this question on Quora:
“Do you feel used or cheated if your girlfriend or wife only has sex when she’s in the mood (which is not as often as you’d like to have sex)?“
It seems to me this is, or should be, a much more general question. So I answered it in a more general way:
Would I feel cheated if my wife only did what she wants and never did anything for me just because she loves me? Of course I would! That’s not love; it’s one person using another for their own needs without giving back.
Love is all about caring for someone else. It means what is important to them is important to you. It means sometimes sacrificing to give them what they want, need, or enjoy. Sometimes it means going out when you want to stay home, or it might mean staying home when you want to go out. It means going to a movie or a restaurant that wouldn’t be your first (or second, or third) choice. It means having a conversation when you don’t want to. It means massaging their sore shoulders when you’re dead tired. And sometimes it means having sex, as enthusiastically as you can, even when you have no interest in sex.
And here’s the big thing: real love sets priorities based on the feelings, thoughts, and needs of the person they love. So if sex, or anything else, is really important to your spouse, then you make a point of doing that thing regularly.
If both spouses are halfway good at applying this kind of love the couple will have a great relationship. If either fails at this, the relationship will be far less than it could be.
What about you? Is there anywhere you’re failing to give your wife what she wants because you don’t care about that thing?