Friday Flashback: Non-Sexual Touch
Let’s talk about “non-sexual touch”.
Clearly, the sexuality of touch is in the mind of the beholder. What if your wife touches you in a way that she sees as non-sexual, and it gets you turned on? Then for you it’s sexual, for her it’s not; and you are both right. Likewise, you can touch her in a way that is sexual for you, but not sexual for her. You can touch her in a way that leaves you aroused, but it can still be non-sexual for her, if you don’t make a point of letting her know how much it turns you on. That’s the key – let it be non-sexual for her by not putting your arousal out there for her.
Many wives need more non-sexual touch. They need touch that doesn’t carry any hint of sexual desire. They need touch with no sexual strings attached. They need to feel that they are loved for more than sex, and that their guy wants to touch them for something more than to satisfy his sexual desires. If a woman needs this, you can’t convince her with words that you feel this way. Only your actions will prove it, and only repeating those actions over and over will result in her really believing it.
Is suppressing your sexual urges, and even hiding your arousal, dishonest? I see it as making a choice; a choice to sometimes set aside your sexual needs so you can give her what she needs. Let it be non-sexual for her when she needs it to be.
[This post first appeared June 11, 2010.]