Are You Sharing Life With Your Wife?
I recently noticed that a number of my marriage answers on Quora say something to the effect of “Marriage is about sharing your life with someone you love.”
More and more I think that is a critical part of marriage. Or at least a critical part of a marriage that is and will continue to be healthy and happy.
The thing about sharing life with our wife is it means she has to be a major part of our life. I’m not saying you have to be joined at the hip and never apart, but if you spend significant time apart that limits sharing life with each other. Given most of us spend a lot of our waking hours at work, what we do with the rest of our time becomes even more critical.
How you spend your “free time” is a marriage issue. If you don’t work at spending a good deal of time with your wife you will likely not spend nearly enough time together. That causes a slow erosion of your relationship. You won’t see it at first, and by the time it becomes clear it may have progressed to the point it’s very difficult to change it. (BTW, one of the first signs of this can be her losing interest in sex. Most women don’t feel sexual desire for a man unless they are sharing life with him.)
What you do together doesn’t matter as long as you enjoy doing it together. That will vary widely from couple to couple and will morph as you move through various stages of life. This goes way beyond “quality time”, it’s about having many shared experiences.
Bottom Line: If spending time with your wife isn’t a high priority, then your marriage isn’t a high priority.